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Star Cast: Arshad Warsi, Soha Ali Khan, Jaaved Jaaferi, Himani Shivpuri, Vijay Raaj, Ranjeet, Karishma Kotak

Direction: Samir Tewari

Story: Mahesh Ramchandani

Rating: 1/2

When American actor comedian, WC Fields, propounded the famous quote that "Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose- to make people laugh", probably he intended to communicate it to the following generations, that you really need to be zany enough to make someone laugh by your buffoonery.

After saying a hearty good-bye to 2013 (of course because of Mr Perfectionist's 'Dhoom 3') now Bollywood has once again geared up to take on the 2014. But it looks like, by now it has become a trend in Bollywood (except a few years when movies like Agneepath rocked the first quarter) to have a lean business in the first few months of the year.

Anyhow, marking the onset of movie release calendar of 2014, cine venture of Samir Tewari, "Mr Joe B Carvalho" featuring Arshad Warsi, Soha Ali Khan and Jaaved Jaaferi made it to cineplexes today. Because of a less glittery star-cast and a somewhat moderate promotion, the movie could not fetch a good foot-fall at its opening, and opened with an average occupancy of around 8 percent at the multiplexes.

After witnessing some of the low budget cine flicks like, "Jolly LLB", "Mere Dad Ki Maruti" and "Fukrey", in 2013 belonging to the ilk of comedy genre, it was expected that despite being a low budget affair "Mr Joe B Carvalho" may emerge as a surprise package of 2014. But unfortunately nothing of that sort happens from beginning till culmination of the movie.

Although, with a somewhat suggestive title (Mr Joe B Carvalo), the movie somewhere down the consciousness makes you feel that it is going to be a joyride full of toilet-humor and double entendre, but smashing and thrashing all your expectations "Mr Joe B Carvalho" turns out to be a wishy-washy affair with some extremely bland dialogues, pathetic jokes and one liners.

Well, as far as giving a sneak peek of "Mr Joe B Carvalho" is concerned, then literally it is one of the most tedious task. And tedious because, it is a bit difficult to present a poppycock affair in a discernible manner. Anyhow, as soon as the tangled narrative of "Mr Joe B Carvalho" unfurls it showcases the story of a Mama's boy kind of a detective, Joe B Carvaloh (Arshad Warsi), who is assigned with a task of foiling the marriage plans of a run-away couple by girl's father, Khuranaa (Shakti Kapoor).

Whereas on the flip side of the tale is, Joe's ex girlfriend (who is now a cop) Shantipriya Phadnis (Soha Ali Khan) who is delegated with a task of nabbing an international assassin, Carlos (Jaaved Jaafery) who is roped in by General Kopa Kabana (Snahal Dhabi) to kill his (Kopa Kabana's) ex, Gehna (Geeta Basra). But this entire mess gets even messier when, Shantipriya mistakes, Joe for Carlos and from there takes off a tiring cine jaunt, knitted around the core of "comedy of error".

In the past we have seen so many movies circumscribed around the conceptual core of "comedy of error" do well at BO. But unfortunately "Mr Joe B Carvalho" is an exception to the rule. Although the script writer, Mahesh Ramchandani has tried his level best to concoct the narration of "Mr Joe B Carvalho" with the spices like "double entendre", "comedy of error" and a a bit of "Chaplinistic humor" too. But regrettably this entire exercise of, Mahesh went futile with the end product emerging as bland and unchewable chow. From the very first frame entire premise of "Mr Joe B Carvalho", starts looking like a directionless yarn made just with an intention of testing the tolerance of the viewers.

Although without a firm foundation, it is somewhat asinine to hope for a brawny structure, but in cine world we have seen number of times that, despite a flimsy script a sinewy screenplay has done wonders for some of the movies. But no such miracle happens in the case of "Mr Joe B Carvalho" which further submerges into the trench of absurdity due to its patchy and indiscernible screenplay.

Coming to the direction and other relevant (or rather irrelevant features), which were assembled together by, Samir Tewari in order to dish out this torturous cine fable. So starting with the man in director's chair, with "Mr Joe B Carvalho" being his first cine outing, Samir certainly deserves to be given a benefit of doubt, but at the same time it is hard to believe that a man who is piloting a cine venture can be so oblivion about quality of entertainment that needs to be offered to the audience in the form of a movie. If we go by the contribution (if any) which Samir would have have made as director, then it looks too paltry. Besides that even efforts of editing and cinematographic team comprising of Dharmendra Sharma and Aseem Bajaj have looked so halfhearted, that you nowhere feel like devoting even minutest part of your attention to the onscreen proceedings.

Quite in accordance with over all appeal of the movie, even the music of "Mr Joe B Carvahlo" will disappoints you till limits.

Well, before coming to the performances it is pertinent to mention here that, through this grueling cine experiment, makers have thoroughly ruined the performing potential of each and every protagonist who had been part of it. After seeing Arshad excelling in diverse range of roles, in "Mr Joe B Carvalho" it was to excruciating to see this otherwise talented actor wasting his acting adeptness. But another fact which can't be overlooked about Arshad's performances is that his was the only performance which looked honest, but because of highly ill-defined character even this attempt of Arshad could not emerge as the grace saving feature of the movie.

On the other hand another character which was inaptly used by the makers was that of Jaaved, and probably it was because of the the oblivion of director about amply utilizing the potential of his protagonists that talent like Jaaved seemed to be totally wasted through out movie. And as far as "Dabangani" avatar of Soha is concerned then even this gorgeous dame belonging to the royal lineage and a family of actors seemed to be completely ill-informed about the personality traits which she was expected to flaunt while performing her character.

Even the rest of the cast comprising of versatile talents like Himani Shivpuri, Vijay Raaj, Ranjeet and Shakti Kapoor looked somewhere stuck into the swamp of under utilization.

Keeping in view the fact that "Mr Joe B Carvalho" didn't have even a single coefficient of entertainment in the offering, all that can be said about its BO potential is that, at best it may manage to survive for a week on the big screen. And besides, if it succeeds in recovering its cost of production then it is going to be an achievement in itself for this otherwise bland cine account.

To sum up, decorated with some very talented actors, "Mr Joe B Carvalho" could have been an above average cine yarn, if its maker would have deployed even an iota of intelligence and cinematic sense. So after seeing so many "not so worthy" components assembled together, I am going ahead with just a half star for this insipid piece of buffoonery called "Mr Joe B Carvalho".

Akshay Kumar (born Rajiv Hari Om Bhatia on September 9, 1967) is an Indian film actor, producer and martial artist who has appeared in over a hundred Hindi films. He has been nominated for Filmfare Awards several times, winning it two times. He has appeared in over 125 films. When he began his acting career in the 1990s, he primarily starred in action films and was particularly known for his appearances in feature films commonly called the "Khiladi series", which included Khiladi (1992), Main Khiladi Tu Anari (1994), Sabse Bada Khiladi (1995), Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi (1996), Mr. and Mrs. Khiladi (1997), International Khiladi (1999), Khiladi 420 (2000) and Khiladi 786 (2012), as well as other action films such as Waqt Hamara Hai (1993), Mohra(1994), Elaan (1994), Suhaag (1994), Sapoot (1996), Angaaray(1998), Keemat – They Are Back (1998) and Sangharsh (1999).

Later he also gained fame for his drama, romance and comic roles. He started becoming known for his performances in romance films like Yeh Dillagi (1994), Dhadkan (2000) and Namastey London(2007), as well as drama films such as Waqt: The Race Against Time(2005) and Patiala House (2011). His comic performances in comedy films such as Hera Pheri (2000), Mujhse Shaadi Karogi (2004), Garam Masala (2005), Bhool Bhulaiyaa (2007), and Singh Is Kinng(2008) met with acclaim. His success had soared in 2007, when he starred in four consecutive commercial hits. Kumar hit a rough patch since 2009 to 2011 but came back with two successes, Housefull 2 (2012) and Rowdy Rathore (2012) with both of them grossing over Rs.100 crore (US$17 million). His other films like OMG (2012) and Special 26(2013) were highly successful critically and commercially. On February 16, 2013, many media outlets reported that the boxoffice collection of Kumar films has crossed Rs. 2,000 crore (US$340 million) and till date is the only Bollywood actor to do so. Having done so, he has established himself as a leading contemporary actor of Hindi cinema.

Apart from acting, Kumar has worked as a stunt actor; he has often performed many dangerous stunts in his films, which has earned him a reputation as the "Indian Jackie Chan". 2008 marked his television debut as the host of the show Fear Factor – Khatron Ke Khiladi. In 2009, Kumar founded the Hari Om Entertainment production company.

In 2008, the University of Windsor conferred an Honorary Doctorate of Law on Kumar in recognition of his contribution to Indian cinema. The following year he was awarded the Padma Shri by the Government of India. In 2011 The Asian Awards honoured Kumar for his outstanding achievement in Cinema.

Akshay Kumar was born in Amritsar in the Indian state of Punjab. His father was an army officer. His mother's name is Aruna Bhatia. From a very young age, he was recognised as a performer, particularly as a dancer. Kumar was raised in Delhi's Chandni Chowk neighbourhood before moving to Mumbai. In Mumbai, he lived in Koliwada, which was another Punjabi dominated area. He studied at Don Bosco School in Mumbai and then Guru Nanak Khalsa College in Mumbai. Akshay has one sister also,Alka Bhatia.

After having obtained a black belt in Taekwondo while in India, he studied martial arts in Bangkok, Thailand, where he learned Muay Thai and worked as a chef and waiter. He then came back to Mumbai, where he started teaching martial arts. One of his students happened to be a photographer and recommended him to do modelling. The student gave him a modelling assignment for a small company. For his two hours posing in front of the camera, Kumar got

5,000, compared to his previous monthly salary of

4,000. That was one of the main reasons why he chose to be a model. One morning he missed his flight for an ad-shoot at Bangalore. Disappointed with himself, he went for his usual rounds at various film studios with his portfolio. Luckily that same evening, Kumar was signed for a lead role by producer Pramod Chakravarthy for the movie Deedar.

After being engaged twice to actress Twinkle Khanna, the daughter of actors Rajesh Khanna and Dimple Kapadia, Kumar married her on January 17, 2001. Their son named Aarav was born in September 2002. Khanna gave birth to their second child, daughter Nitara, on September 25, 2012.

Akshay stays in shape with a combination of kickboxing, basketball, swimming, and other sports, as well as working out.

In 2004, he was honoured with the Rajiv Gandhi Award for his outstanding achievements in Bollywood. In 2008 the University of Windsor in Ontario, Canada awarded Kumar with Honorary Doctrate of Law for his outstanding work in the film industry and contribution to social work.